F.E.A.R — Face Everything and Rise

 

Through out this journey we all see struggle and for months I have been dealing with struggle… Maybe even longer… Who am I kidding it’s been much longer! Some days I show it and others I don’t… Over the last few years I have been plagued with injuries and health issues… Since I hit my goal weight in 2013 it’s been one thing or a another…

But each time I would plan for the big comeback…. It seems each time I would get back on track and consistent BOOM… The next thing… And just like a flip of a switch back out… Then the come back… Then back out… After a while it takes a toll on you and when you have a history of emotional eating, well you know what happens… So yes, over the last few years I have added some pounds… But over all,I have done my best to maintain..

However, it’s really taken a toll on me mentally… and over the last few months it’s been really weighing on me… I guess some may say really? She’s so positive. Well if you are not positive it only makes the bad worse.. BUT some days it’s a massive struggle to say anything or think anything positive..

I never would have guessed 3 1/2 years ago this is where I would be… because as most of us that are trying to get healthy and stronger, we set goals and make plans to keep us going and to hit the next level…

Sitting here today I look back at those plans and goals and see not a single one has been obtained… Is that deflating? YES! Is it that the end of the world? NO! No it’s not, but I am in this state I am in right now and I am doing all I can not to melt down.. maybe to some it sounds uber dramatic… the best way I can describe it for anyone is.. imagine every day, every step, every lift, every spin, every single thing you do what if that’s the moment that sends you back to the injured reserved list… do you try to push harder? Do you try to add the extra weight? Do you add the extra tension? What do you do???? Now seriously, what do you do??  No REALLY.. WHAT DO YOU DO???

I am a competitor, I am a fighter, but I am also a realist.. if you push to hard are you going to lose out? If you don’t push hard enough.. are you going to lose/get gains? It’s such a double edged sword….

My struggle, all though small compared to others daily struggles, is minuscule, but it plays a huge part in my every day life!! And is on my mind every single step I take…. it will get better I know it will.. it’s going to take time and consistently but it will get better..

Life is what we make of it… Am I upset I have not hit the goals? YES. I am upset that I am nowhere near the fitness level I thought I would be at… YES… But living upset all the time not only hurts me but effects others around me… These are my cards and I have to play the hand I was dealt… Somedays I kick and scream others I don’t…. Somedays I smile, others, sorry, I don’t…

This I know.. I’m much better off than I was.. god blesses me ever day by opening my eyes and well one day it will be ok.. until then.. learn from this… live with a positive heart and mind! Why?? cause yes even this

It’s all part of the process…..

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