I think too often we use the excuse of being busy for not doing something we maybe really should be doing. Busy is the best excuse, right? cause if you are busy then no one really questions why you don’t go places or do things. Or do they?
Well, I can’t lie I have been busy. But have I been so busy for a year that I have not posted or written on the blog.
Ehh I guess maybe? Maybe not?
I mean sure I have a family, I have a full-time job, I volunteer at my sons school, I go to the gym. (go to the gym god what a joke of a statement & quite possibly the saddest excuse for anything in this current time!) Added in to all of that over the last 365 days…
I have had major back surgery with a tumor removal and recovery.
Left knee injury and PT for rehab that’s still ongoing
Right Achilles Tendonitis with PT for Rehab that’s still on going
Decided to quit training with G – this alone has really affected me so much I can’t even put it in to words. God knows I have tried!!
Yeah, it’s been a busy emotional year. But no busier than anyone else, I don’t do more than any other mom/dad or wife/husband. Nope that list is not me asking for your pity party it’s just reality of my last year.
However, my other reality has been I haven’t really wanted to write or share anything on the Blog. Why? You ask the reasons are many some are personal others are just me being in my head. Truth is I have started many post but immediately scrapped them feeling there would be no Interest and they would not be of any value to anyone. But the real honest truth is I am not sure I have anything else to share. I don’t feel my journey has much value to anyone. With so many injuries and lack of time in the gym I just feel like my level of motivation is just not there. I feel as if I add nothing to the fitness community or the weight loss surgery community in the blog. But some who knows me can say but you never stopped on Instagram day by day you post there and share there.. yes I do. but I just have not found a way to translate those quick posts to blog worthy posts. (Or maybe I did t want to) I know some will roll an eye or two at this but hey I must be honest and if you rather not read my honesty….no ones forcing you to stay.
3 and 1/2 years ago when I started this blog it was about sharing my ups and downs of re-losing weight. and my goal was to help at least one other person know they were not alone. then it became sharing long-term life after weight loss surgery and life after plastic surgery … which morphed in to just sharing the crazy ups and downs of my fitness and health journey and every day average life shit about trying to keep up with it all just like 99% of the rest of the world. For me my story is just that average everyday survival. I didn’t post to be special, I didn’t post to brag or boast. I posted cause I knew there are others out there just like me Struggling though it all.
But this last year something has switched off. I am not sure if I need to apologize for that or not? It’s not something I have planned on purpose. It’s not even something I fully understand myself. I feel as the weeks go by I am struggling to hold on myself. Many times, I have said to my Husband I really just need to shut down the blog. I am not giving it any attention. I don’t have anything to say. He never said give it up he always said do what you feel is best.
So, what is best??? I am Not really sure. I thought when I started this I would have so much to write about and I guess I did. I have sat back and re- read most if not all of my entries I learned a lot about me. for years I have credited so many people helping me in my journey but I never gave myself much credit. mind blowing… Believe me I know there are people out there who will say well Duh!! And others will say Jesus she’s really crying the blues over nothing. and the others will say my god she’s crazy she’s worked hard and she taken ALL THE CREDIT <—these people don’t know me or my journey at all.
I committed to this blog and I never thought I’d be here at this cross road. God knows I have seen cross roads before and I’ll see them over and over again. But at most “crossings” undoubtedly, I knew what I wanted to do before the cross roads arrived. It was as if I knew they were coming. You see on a journey like this one certain things are to be expected we hope they don’t happen but most likely they will
plateaus/stalls, injuries/setbacks, struggles, bad days hell bad weeks, missing goals (well postponing them).
They SUCK!! But it’s all part of growing in a healthier/Fitness minded lifestyle.
A healthier/fitness mindful lifestyle… hmmm. I often wonder if that’s part of this crossroad living my fitness minded lifestyle. It seems over the last year many people have decided to just walk out of my life completely & Others slow and gradually have Fallen off. Believe me I get it my lifestyle not for everyone. I know my counting calories gets annoying to others (some people haven’t held back on giving their 2 cents) I know many people think my gym time is an obsession (again, people have no trouble telling me their thoughts). But I don’t do this for anyone but ME & my family…And opinions are like assholes we all have them. So if you are of the opinion that all I am about is obsessed Fitness then I’ll go back to a previous statement no one’s asking u to keep reading or stick around. bye Felecia! In the last year, I have come grips with the fact that even when people say they are your friend that is not always true. Maybe it sounds juvenile at my age but as a any human being would guess when you tell someone you are their friend year after year, one would believe it’s true. But I have found that some people only mean that when you are useful to them. And when you are no longer useful you are no longer a friends. That at any age stings!
I think, NO No!! I know this has played a large part in my not blogging. Emotionally I have been spent. Again, should I apologize sure I guess. But in the same Breath I am not sorry. I needed to sort a lot out I needed time so I took it and anyone who can find fault in that is really not they type of person I want to associate with anyway.
So why now? Honestly, I don’t know. I had the opportunity and time to put it all down in text. Maybe because I glanced at my site earlier this morning during a long car drive and realized shit it’s really almost been a year. Being honest the last few posts in 2016 were “reposts” so do they count? Ugg this is hard and at the same time I feel as if I am just one big ass run in babbling sentence.
So where do I go from here? That remains to be seen. I have tried to rattle the cobwebs today and really think about what I want to do with the blog and I don’t have an answer. What I have is what I always have had. A desire to help others showing them they are not alone in these crazy journeys. Even the best of us have hard times. even the best of us don’t know what the next turn will bring and well That’s ok. It’s about progress not perfection. it’s about never giving up!! And believe me this post is SOOOOOO NOT about throwing in the towel. I really know it’s an all over the place but no place at all babbling brook of a post. but I tied to make Sense of it all through some of the tears I am Sure I missed a few things and have some Sucky ass grammar. But for me this is a start to dealing with my crossroads, dealing with the loss of friendships, dealing with lots of emotional stuff that had been hidden for a long time. I’ll get there and maybe the blog will make it along the ride too? But for now, I just say thanks to all who have followed Along for this long I appreciate your continued support.
As much as this sucks it to is part of the process
The journey continues..